Where to Put My Feet

Sarah Pinborough’s reflection on the Nigella Lawson abuse scandal reminds me of the ways that my own life, at least to date, has NOT sucked.



There are times when I DO feel sorry for myself. I suppose a lot of women have these moments, when you think your life has been more difficult than it should have been. That you got a raw deal. You were unwise or unlucky in love, you made choices that led to pain, for yourself and your partner. And that if you didn’t deserve a better hand…well, at the very least you should somehow have played a better game with the cards you were dealt.

But then I read something like this essay from Sarah Pinborough, in response to the recent scandal surrounding the public abuse of Nigella Lawson by her seemingly psychotic husband. And I realize that feeling sorry for myself is absolute bullshit.

Because I have been blessed, throughout my life, with AMAZINGLY GOOD TASTE IN MEN.

I have never in my life given my heart away and chosen to be with a man who had anything but the best intentions, at least when we met. And I’ve had the kind of love that Pinborough describes–the intensity, the joy of the deep connection, more than once. That deep intimacy and deep passion is one of the most wonderful things you can ever experience, and I’ve been amazingly lucky to experience it even once.

And yes, it’s true, it may have ended in tears. But it never, ever ended in blood. And the pain that I’ve gone through when a treasured relationship was over has been nothing more, and nothing less, than the pain of simply losing someone’s love.

Not losing my teeth. Or fearing for my life.

Broken heart sucks, don’t get me wrong. But I’ll take it without the side order of broken ribs, every time. I may get dumped on my ass…but I always know where to put my feet.

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About Arinn

Author, Game Developer, Anthropologist, Feminist, reformed Supervillainess.
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